Oh, you like the “Stranger Things” soundtrack, huh? Yeah, that’s pretty cool. Modular synths, analog warmth – you gotta love those lush retro vibes.
But seriously, name 3 ways to make these sounds, or you’re not a real fan. Yes, you heard me correctly. I’m saying if you can’t explain the sonic architecture of those sounds, then you literally haven’t heard them. All you heard was white noise. While it scratches that, white noise is actually quite a nuanced concept that you wouldn’t understand.
Look, I’ll make it easy for you and give you your modules. Three oscillators: sine, sawtooth, triangle. Two ADSR envelope generators. And a filter, you can have the Moog 904A, I feel generous. So all you have to do is connect the dots. You know, like a fucking child.
Did you hear how I pronounced “Moog” earlier? You’re probably thinking “why is he saying Mogue”? How best to explain… I guess the main thing you need to understand is that you are a philistine asshole who knows nothing. I hope this can help.
You don’t seem to give me modular patches, so I guess you don’t like ‘Stranger Things’ after all? Do you really know modular synthesis? Do you even know what “send the clock” means? Do you know how to modify a spring reverb unit with a particularly tight orange peel coil that has come loose in one piece? It is, and that’s why Modular Monthly called my latest EP “mind-numbing”.
And I guess you’ve suddenly discovered that you love Kate Bush’s “Running Up That Hill”, haven’t you? Bad. No, you don’t. If you didn’t lose your home and your marriage in 1985 after buying a $40,000 Fairlight CMI in a failed attempt to recreate that synth riff, then you can take that song out of your fucking ears, too.
Look, I’m not saying you’re banned from watching the show just because you can’t spot a self-resonant filter, or can’t figure out how dual-toggle chips work. But it really can only be a senseless jumble of stimuli for you — like a moth repeatedly tapping a light bulb, or a dog rubbing its genitals on a teddy bear.
Did I watch everything? Oh, absolutely not – only the first five minutes. They should have filmed it with a Super 8 camera. Watching digital is like having three cats shitting right in my eyes.